career, garden and misc. updates

so the last few weeks have been quite the emotional, career related, roller coaster ride for me.  I finally lost it, broke down and told NewAdvisor how miserable I was on Sunday.  Oddly, though I cried profusely, the whole thing went A LOT better than I thought it was going to with advise like:

• yeah, there is a time when the fun of learning the new stuff wears off and you get totally miserable in a postdoc (ie, NewAdvisor went through a similar period)
• don't worry about getting the HD foundation proposal done this minute, they gave you til like May.  so don't stress
• It will be better when you are done with all the writing and you can focus on the science
• its easier to compartmentalize and not feel guilty about taking the rest/relaxation time you need when you are the boss and aren't responsible to anyone for immediate results/papers/etc.
• sometimes you just need to say "I'm going to take this Wed. afternoon and plan x trip"

As I have finally finished and sent off a draft of the last paper from the grad lab to the man in charge, I'm almost finished making my NIH proposal into the HD foundation proposal and there are few other major writing projects on the agenda for the near future I will soon be able to "get back to the science" and hopefully also to the fun of it.  We are also planning a small camping trip south of Savannah next weekend (a great suggestion from one of my labmates) that will hopefully function as a nice and needed break from the lab/guilt.  I have been taking the proposal transformation slow and trying not to  fret about it too much, but I'd still like to get it over with asap.  Am also meeting with an thesis committee member next week for lunch to discuss how he does the academic life and how if can be  different from the main examples i've had here at Tech.  Tejas is still on the job market, and I'm sure that is contributing some to the stress (not that having him in Cali, Seattle, NYC, etc. for a yr w/o me is going to make me less stressed), but what can you do?

I may have gotten a little overly excited about the recent warmth we've been experiencing, and so planted a bunch of stuff that will need to be brought in every night for the next 5-6 days so that it doesn't freeze ( i planted some lettuce, radishes, arugula and broccoli!). Also, the squirrels seem to enjoy the soil too much and I'm not sure any of my broccoli seeds are left now.  I will need to put something over top of the containers to keep them out!  I also planted some tomato and cucumber seeds in a little germinator thingy. the cucumber has already started to sprout! I may have to post a picture of it soon.  I really wanted to plant some purple potatoes, but I think they will have to wait until we have a little bit more space :(  oh well.  its all just really an experiment anyway, not like we will be getting a massive harvest out of the ONE each of broccoli, tomato and cucumber plants i've started and the ONE each string bean bush and chili pepper plants I'll be planting in a few months.

In other odd news:

I received a facebook message from VELVET asking me how i'm doing.  how the heck am I supposed to respond to THAT?  right now i'm going with NOT responding.

career thoughts...

I've been thinking A LOT about career paths and family life lately. it won't come as a shock to anyone that I'm not cool with working 80hrs/week for the rest of my life, but i think that's only part of it. Most of what I hate so much about the academic life is the intense grant writing and how your future is totally dependent on how you can convince funding agencies that your work is cooler that most (in some cases 90%) of the other applicants.  I have definitely decided that I will never work at a research 1 institute and be like those i see around me everyday, but i'm also starting to have my doubts about even teaching at a 4 yr institute.  you're still expected to bring in external funds and do research, plus keep a 4-5 course/semester teaching load (new college had just a 2 course plus tutorials/ semester, but i think its pretty special in the that way).  Plus, I'm unsure about the grants that are available to 4-yr institute scholars.  i know they are different from big research grant pools, so do they cover summer research salary?  I don't know.  this is a big deal because another option I have been mulling around lately is teaching high school and then finding a lab to conduct research in over the summers.  This would let me do research without worrying about grants and junk, plus I think that there are programs in place for that sort of thing anyway.  a great way to keep high school teachers relevant and get students experience with real labs.  A recent dallying on ACS's salary comparator showed that the median salary for starting out with a phd teaching high school is actually higher than that of starting out at a 4yr college ?!?  what the heck!  its not a lot more, $4k a year or so, but more none the less.  this is why i wonder about the outside summer funding for 4yr college grants..... 

Anyway,  this new idea is now on the list with national labs (not that high anymore really), 4 yr colleges, academia outside of the US (where people still know how to have a life), and maybe even community college if i get desperate.  I do fear that I have stayed this long just because i don't want to be one of THOSE people (especially women) who give up on academia.  Now i think THOSE people may be the smart ones, but it is still hard to face.  A sad disillusionment for the girl who has been fascinated by the natural world and its study since the time she could read and was able to be out her parents' sight long enough to get her hands on anything that moved or breathed.  

and so i leave you with a not so recent, though still painful commentary on women in science and science as a career path in general.   

Dear new (obviously very young) female neighbor,

It would be greatly appreciated if you could NOT clomp back and forth along the length of your apartment in your tap shoes, or whatever the heck they are, and throw things at the wall for 20 minutes when you return home at 4:30 am in the morning. While it was equally annoying when you did it Friday night, we were willing to give you benefit of the doubt, seeing as you are young and it was the weekend. However, this is completely unacceptable behavior for a Tuesday night, and will not be tolerated again. Also, your taste in music is absolutely atrocious. So, if you proceed with this behavior, I will be forced to blare bluegrass music (which I sure you have no taste for) at 8am in the morning, when I am sure you have recently entered your first round of deep sleep. As we are next to you and not below you, I'm sure you have tortured poor Andy even more than you have us, and I hope he gives you an ear full.

Sincerely,
your old and crotchety neighbors