why am i doing this again?

i'm finding it incredibly difficult to give a crap about my upcoming defense on thursday. i've only (half-heartedly) worked on my presentation once this past week, and i'm supposed to be going over it with andrew tomorrow morning. and i'm still not really interested in doing anything to it. why? why don't i care? am i really in the right career if i can't summon up a little bit of enthusiasm over the culmination of the degree i've busted my ass and wasted my life over for the last 5 yrs? i'm beginning to wonder. granted, i have my fair share of non-trivial distractions, like my dad's in the hospital again (they are going to take out his gall bladder on monday, and that will hopefully fix the problem), tejas' dad is here this weekend, and a few other life altering decisions are up in the air as well. but still. this needs to be taking precedent, and i just don't seem to give a damn. bah.