this amused me quite a bit

a heated church debate. i'm particularly fond of the "free dog souls with conversion" part.

good job florida

this is really sad and ridiculous.  i realize we are in an economic crisis, but when the hell are people going to start realizing how many of our social and economic problems stem from our "don't give a shit" mentality to education?!?  

feeling a bit lonely today...

postdocs are in this rather odd place in both the academic system as well as the social structure of the university.  basically, there really is no social network or support system in place for us.  (I imagine that lecturers and research scientists may find themselves in similar neitherlands of the system as well.)  usually i don't think too much about this and just spend my time with the grad students.  its not always the perfect match when you are in need of empathy, but its better than nothing and usually pretty good over all.  So today, for some reason (i like to blame the dreary weather), i am feeling a bit lonely and really wanted someone to have lunch with.  as i already stated, i have no postdoc friends to call upon.  mindi is teaching all day, amy seems to be not coming in at all, and the first years are presently MIA as well.  if it were nice out, i could at least head out to the courtyard to enjoy my lunch in the sun, but alas it is wet and dreary.  so, in my office i sit, along with my (for all practical intents and purposes) mute office mate with a rather dreary bout of midday ennui.  at least i have my chicken and dumplings to keep me warm. yum.

happy 1st PhD anniversary to me!

so where do i stand a year into being a phd?

• recently finished with the last LyonGroup paper (YAY)
• about to start writing the first NewGroup paper 
• have gotten a good taste of grant writing under my belt, for better or for worse
• extremely ready to be done having to answer to somebody else on a daily to bi-daily basis at work (unfortunate, as i will be here for probably another year or so)
• still wondering what i really want to do with my life. i'm pretty sure i'd like to teach.  unfortunately i have NO idea if i will be any good at it.  am hoping to get some small amount of real teaching in before a job search.  not sure if i want to teach at a small four year school where i will have to do research or a two year school (ie community college) where there would be no teaching requirements and it may end up being a very rewarding teaching environment. there are pros and cons to both options as well as personal issues with both options that i need to work out.

4 year college, where i would have to do research and teach upper-level pchem courses: 

pros: small classes = opportunity for good teacher/student interactions

          research = hopefully a great teaching tool to keep students passionate about science (i like this b/c the lack of research, ie all exps done had a known outcome, had a really negative effect on me in my 2nd-3rd years of undergrad and it wasn't until i started my thesis work in my 4th year that i became reinvigorated towards chemistry)

cons: tenure = both teaching and research dependent

          research = grant writing, ugh

issues:  so, i'm not the most confident of my pchem skills.  i know, i have a phd in pchem, BUT hear me out:  we were required to take very few classes in grad school and my advisor was not into letting you take more classes than were required.  the year i took my 3 core pchem classes, i had only one prof from whom we received coherent lectures and i felt i came out of the class having learned at least a little something of stat mech.  flash forward to the pchem department now: the addition of bright young new profs means that the ONE prof that i had that made ANY sense at ALL is considered by the newbie pchem students as the WORST teacher they have had! basically, i feel like i still need to teach myself grad level quantum rather than just having to give myself a refresher before jumping up in front of people and acting like i KNOW the stuff.  so, i'm a little scared of teaching upper-level courses.  

two year college, where i would only have to teach lower level chem courses, no research

pros: small classes

          no research = no grant writing and can focus totally on teaching (when not dealing with committee meetings)

          teaching lower level courses = partially for previously admitted "issue" with upper level courses and partially b/c at the lower levels you still have a chance to impact students' perspectives on chemistry and science in general. maybe they aren't all (or maybe even any) planning a career in chem, but that doesn't mean you can't help them see how cool it can be and how it is all around us.  if a student is taking pchem, they have already been won over. i promise. no one takes pchem for the fun of it and it is not a prereq for anything. this is also why teaching high school seemed attractive to me.

cons: no research = i might miss research if i'm not doing it at all anymore, and as i mentioned above, i like the idea of using it as a tool to keep students interested.

issues: superiority complex = i admit to an elitist intellectual egotism that makes me want to teach at a "good" place, rather than a community college.  like they aren't real profs there or something.  this is sort of funny since i also think i'm not good enough to teach at the "good" places.  i hope to smother out this egotism, even if i don't end up at a community college b/c it's a pretty crappy thing to have.

at least they LOOKED at it this time

so my NIH fellowhip actually got A score this time.  not really a fundable score, but at least the committee actually looked at it and discussed it this time, rather than streamlining it like the last time.  i am 99.9% sure that my priority score will NOT fall within the payline, but i will continue to dream until i see the bad news in writing.